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I've been writing again! I've always been one to write music and poetry in my head, and have on occasion been able to perform some of it. I've needed to go solo for some time now, as I have a tendency to keep to myself.
I have discovered the joy of FruityLoops though, and am learning to be able to digitally play all of the instruments needed, record, mix them, then lay guitar/vocal tracks over it! I plan to have at least 2 albums before I'm done. Yes, I have most of the music for each written already. I find that I'm excited about it. Having my music out there has always been a dream of mine. I don't expect to actually make any money at it, but to have my tunage played on the radio (even over itunes radio) would be a dream come true!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Another day, another shattered vision
For some time now, my wife and I have been part of a community/group of folks who were very into BDSM, and the DOM/SUB lifestyle. They lived it 24/7, while my wife and I are more into just playing with it. We were learning lots, and making friends.
I'd started feeling somewhat estranged from the group. No particular reason that I know of, just not really clicking as much with the guys in the group. They are all DOMs, and very much wanting to show it. Me, while I aren't one to dominate others, I'm also not a sub by any means. It left a bit of a rift.
I also didn't/don't know protocol very well. One of the ladies dropped a fork, and out of habit, I reached down and picked it up for her. I got strange looks from the other guys, and I wound up feeling as though they were sizing me up to be another sub. Just one example of several to show the different worlds we live in. Nothing wrong with either at all, just different.
Recently, one of the wives of the group had her ex husband come back to town. From there, it's been nothing but drama. My wife and I tend to avoid that like the plague, but these are our friends, right? We thought so anyway.
This ex was interested in dating a friend of mine. She found out about his criminal history, and his history of domestic violence. From there, it all went downhill.
His ex wife was living more as his Dom than anything, telling him what to do, who he could associate with, how to live in this area. She got it in her head that I had started a bunch of crap between her ex and my friend. I wrote my friend, and asked her what the hell was going on, and why my name had come up. She forwarded me the emails and conversations, and I was never mentioned at all by either party.
I then asked his ex why I was brought up, and she basically told me I was a liar, user, a piece of gold foil wrapped shit. WTF? She said that my problem with her ex was that I couldn't use him for a bank. ??? Never asked him for a dime, never needed it. No clue where that comes from.
Apparantly, I'm also a user, and a shit-stirrer. My wife is guilty of being my wife, so she's now a piece of shit too. I asked for specifics... ANYTHING to explain where this is coming from, and I get the circular thing... you're a user, so your a piece of shit. your a piece of shit, so you're a user. WTF? I don't get it. how can someone be your friend one day, and then suddenly spew forth some of the most vile, poison dripped words, all the while saying that you were 'absolutely not' her friend?
I'd helped clear land up there. Insulated the mans barn. Helped repair their dungeon. I have asked for nothing in return, because it wasn't needed. I did it as a FRIEND. That'll learn me huh?
We were burning up the highway damn near every weekend there for a while, making sure we got our buddy time in. They never came to see us. It was too far, and there's more of them than there are of us. (they're poly, so it's a husband and 2 wives, while with us, it's just the two of us) Gas is too expensive for them to come down. Not too expensive for us to go up though...
I don't know. I don't know what to say, or how to feel. It makes me wonder if some of the things she's said are true. Are they? I don't know! I don't think so, but maybe they/she saw things that I'm blind to, and that my wife can't/won't see because she's too close to me. Maybe one day my wife will see what I can't, and this other lady can, and I won't be able to do anything about it, because I don't know what the hell the issue is!
Maybe too, this other lady is just full of shit, made accusations, couldn't back them up, and instead of saying 'Sorry bout that', she decided to burn those bridges so she'd never have to face the one she wronged. Think so? I hope so. I never thought she'd be that petty, but then I didn't know she was so full of asshattery either.
Anyway, these are the things running through my head today. I sorely hope I get past it soon. I really hope that wifey and I will one day make friends that will truly be just that... our friends. No bullshit, no backstabbing, no lies.
Maybe that's a pipe dream.
I'd started feeling somewhat estranged from the group. No particular reason that I know of, just not really clicking as much with the guys in the group. They are all DOMs, and very much wanting to show it. Me, while I aren't one to dominate others, I'm also not a sub by any means. It left a bit of a rift.
I also didn't/don't know protocol very well. One of the ladies dropped a fork, and out of habit, I reached down and picked it up for her. I got strange looks from the other guys, and I wound up feeling as though they were sizing me up to be another sub. Just one example of several to show the different worlds we live in. Nothing wrong with either at all, just different.
Recently, one of the wives of the group had her ex husband come back to town. From there, it's been nothing but drama. My wife and I tend to avoid that like the plague, but these are our friends, right? We thought so anyway.
This ex was interested in dating a friend of mine. She found out about his criminal history, and his history of domestic violence. From there, it all went downhill.
His ex wife was living more as his Dom than anything, telling him what to do, who he could associate with, how to live in this area. She got it in her head that I had started a bunch of crap between her ex and my friend. I wrote my friend, and asked her what the hell was going on, and why my name had come up. She forwarded me the emails and conversations, and I was never mentioned at all by either party.
I then asked his ex why I was brought up, and she basically told me I was a liar, user, a piece of gold foil wrapped shit. WTF? She said that my problem with her ex was that I couldn't use him for a bank. ??? Never asked him for a dime, never needed it. No clue where that comes from.
Apparantly, I'm also a user, and a shit-stirrer. My wife is guilty of being my wife, so she's now a piece of shit too. I asked for specifics... ANYTHING to explain where this is coming from, and I get the circular thing... you're a user, so your a piece of shit. your a piece of shit, so you're a user. WTF? I don't get it. how can someone be your friend one day, and then suddenly spew forth some of the most vile, poison dripped words, all the while saying that you were 'absolutely not' her friend?
I'd helped clear land up there. Insulated the mans barn. Helped repair their dungeon. I have asked for nothing in return, because it wasn't needed. I did it as a FRIEND. That'll learn me huh?
We were burning up the highway damn near every weekend there for a while, making sure we got our buddy time in. They never came to see us. It was too far, and there's more of them than there are of us. (they're poly, so it's a husband and 2 wives, while with us, it's just the two of us) Gas is too expensive for them to come down. Not too expensive for us to go up though...
I don't know. I don't know what to say, or how to feel. It makes me wonder if some of the things she's said are true. Are they? I don't know! I don't think so, but maybe they/she saw things that I'm blind to, and that my wife can't/won't see because she's too close to me. Maybe one day my wife will see what I can't, and this other lady can, and I won't be able to do anything about it, because I don't know what the hell the issue is!
Maybe too, this other lady is just full of shit, made accusations, couldn't back them up, and instead of saying 'Sorry bout that', she decided to burn those bridges so she'd never have to face the one she wronged. Think so? I hope so. I never thought she'd be that petty, but then I didn't know she was so full of asshattery either.
Anyway, these are the things running through my head today. I sorely hope I get past it soon. I really hope that wifey and I will one day make friends that will truly be just that... our friends. No bullshit, no backstabbing, no lies.
Maybe that's a pipe dream.
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